About a month ago I tried suicide many ways, and got arrested for my own safety, twice – that was just one week of my life. But it’s been a turning point, I’m now living out of a kitbag at my dad’s house, who also has a big drinking habit.
I’ve started a recovery programme, where I seek help for my mental health, my drug problem, and alcoholism. I’ve been to my first pre-recovery session, and my first AA meeting this week. It’s been a tough one. Having to come to terms with the simple line “Hi, I’m Michael and I’m an alcoholic.”
It’s shit. I’m not going to lie, I’m really struggling. The recovery process is much harder than the simple idea of just taking booze or drugs to block out my fears. I’m turning 25 in May, and I can quite honestly say that I’ve never lived through adulthood being completely sober from all substances. I don’t know what it’s like, I’ve been to university living in London for 4 years, and I’ve been travelling around Italy by myself. All whilst I’ve struggled with my addictions and I passed my degree (also without dyslexia guidance as my parents believe “I don’t have it”, so I’ve never had an assessment..) with a 2:1. This allows me to do further study and that is my next aim, to gain a Masters.
I’ve had this blog for quite some time, and I’ve always been drunk or high when writing the contents. Now I’m in my recovery, whoever is going to read this, I hope you are apart of this journey with me. I am not doing this to please my family, my friends (I barely have any)… I’m doing this because I want a better life. So my start has finally come. My new start to a better life is here in my reach, I just have to reach out and grab it.