For as long as I can remember… I haven’t known shit about politics. Like most Britons my age, we are under the illusion that our parents sink into our minds at a young age, “they all talk the same shit”, “i don’t care, it means nothing to me”… those kinda things.

Until I realised I took a fond interest in conspiracy, then… I realised you can do fuck all about it. If you don’t get involved in politics. After returning home from university, being a Green Party voter, I confronted my family about their politics. My dear friend Sam who’s family are so warm and caring, always have political debate. They have a liberal, a labour, BNP and a UKIPPER.. all sitting around the dinner table. I used propaganda to express my Green thoughts amongst the family, and turned them all into Green voters, even the father became a candidate at the latest elections.

May came, my birthday and the national polling day in the same month. What could go wrong?

Well. Everything went wrong. The Tories got 24% of the countries population to vote for them, and thus, won overall majority. A vast majority of the population again, didn’t vote. We don’t live in a democracy. Noam Chomsky calls it a Dictated Democracy which in my eyes, sounds about right. My birthday went tits up too. I confronted my family, I got it out of them. Secret Tory voters. Yet – the daily news comes on and they moan about this and that, but I now have the excuse of saying, “you can’t moan… you voted for this to happen” – wether it’s austerity cuts or war. You voted for it!

This revelation in my life – along with recent arguments with friends, and even the taxi driver dropping me off home “ohhhh you must be rich, look at this house!”… so I gave him £5 instead of £4 just for his cheeky remark. But it made me think hard about my life. I know i’m this spoilt little cunt from a family who.. well. Ignore my depression, brush it off as “you’re over-reacting”, a family who “support me” by giving me money to live on. Which, because of my background and years of experience, like always, I resorted to drugs and alcohol. I found no love in myself, my only way of thinking is about ME ME ME. Something I have tried strongly for years to never be like. It summed it up for me. Maybe I’m a Tory in-disguise, after all, most Young Greens are middle-class kids wanting to be different. But I believe in socialist policies…. makes no sense.

I know I don’t have the support I should have from my family. No warming family moments, the only support is money, which I blew away. And now i’m here – a realisation of my privileged background, my selfishness and arrogance. The drugs and booze are all mine! All mine I tell you! Just like the Tories money. It’s all theres!!!! Not ours! Coming to terms with a family that doesn’t support depression, see’s it as a over-reaction, a burden amongst the family. Something I was told to never tell anyone about as it would decrease my chances of a job, a better university experience. My ‘mild dyslexia’ to which I think is more than mild, is shrugged off by my mother. Professionals tell me different. I cannot trust my unreliable friends, I cannot live a ‘normal’ life of boozing at the weekends with friends. This stopped years ago, and I was told by tutors, I have now grown up.

I feel like I am now learning from year 1. From scratch. Not another chapter, but a fresh book.

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