I like to speak my life on this blog. I find writing, peaceful and relaxing. But, that’s not how my last few month have been. So i met this lady on a night-out, told her she was beautiful.. literally walking past her and just said it for no reason. Her reply shocked me…”oh thanks, your not to bad too!”,(obviously shouting, we was in a club in Halifax, Yorkshire…anyway) I spun around and thought, fuck me I am in! I stood there and asked her named etc, blahblahblah…and I saw my friends over on the dancefloor, as my friend Ricci from Hackney would put it, I gaged’ them. I thought, “I can’t really take them to her, look at them… it’s like i’ve brought London Zoo out for a trip”.

So instead, I was honest with her. I said “Do you know what, I really…” biting my lip anxiously..”would lock you up like Joseph Fritzl did to his……(awkward smile).. your so fit!!” … She smiled at me… and gave me a kiss… or ‘snog’, ‘made-out’, or… headbutted with sexy lips.

I was nearly cumming in my pants. I pulled a reet fine piece of ass and so we walked out the club, i left my pals and I asked her if she knew who Fritzl was.. and what I meant, did she understand… She did. I knew I was in for one hell of a ride.

well…I thought to positive at the wrong time. I should have paced myself and well….. let me explain, we got to her’s… (sexy stuff happens here…)i’ll cut to the point .. Needle in a haystack kinda thing. My penis, was nothing. I could have put my head up her. But i didn’t really understand the science behind it, she was small… about 5′ something, and she weighed fuck all… So yeh.

Oh yeah, someone i worked with over summer, told me of these certain halls, where you can go in and chill with your mates, play PS3/4 Xbox etc, and you can smoke green there too… can’t buy it there, nothing like that but still…. crazy shit. In a UK city too!    – the world is changing


have you ever been somewhere, and just been amazed by the whole experience and thought, wow, why have i never been apart of this before… why haven’t i been here before. Well Beatherder is like that, ‘hippie fest’ is what i was told.. which is partially true.. there’s also a load of students like myself, ‘the nobheads’ i think where called by other festival goers. Then you have the chavs, because this festival is in northern england, between lancashire and yorkshire, majority of the people there are fans of house, jungle, reggae, and a few more to name, headliners were Happy Mondays, (who i missed due to tripping balls, although i saw them wave goodbye at the end). but yeh, chavs, theres a fair few, but with all the acid, lsd, mushrooms and whatever else is thrown in your face kindly by some fun loving hippies, it’s like… a beautiful scene of just peacefulness and friendship between everyone there. If your struggling on the ground, people don’t walk past and leave you, they help and pull you around. It’s a nice environment. I accidentally killed a moth in the pub on the little high street they have in the woods there… amazing venues.

So yeah, this pub has a little bar with the little bit of the roof with lights and you have to duck under to see the bar basically… i’m tall too. So i was right under where this light was shining down.. the light was like a fingers length from my face.. i was moving about trying to avoid these little flies… then this huge moth was all up in my grill.. literally all over me, and i thought, i’m getting a pint of ale here. I don’t want no fucking moth in it. I waited and waited.. it landed on the bar in front of me… BANG i slapped my hand down and turned to my mate, “I got the bastard!” i shouted… only to find him staring at me like ‘what the fuck are you doing….’ his big eyes didn’t stand out that much though, because there was another bunch of people behind him, about 20 hippies… who also stood and stared at me.. The barmaid held my pint far away from her and placed it in front of me like i’m some kind of mass murderer, rapist or something crazy. “shall we leave mate?” my friend tom asked me. I reply “no, i just bought this, lets chill over here” and walk over to some women, to try chat them up in my messy ecstasy and ale state. 20 seconds later I had left the pub, trying to catch up with my dignity somewhere at the other side of the festival for a few hour. let the heat down die.

These three events aren’t everything i’ve done, and please…. HAHA please don’t judge me. I’m only human.